When we talk about nervous system regulation, what are we really talking about?
First of all, your nervous system is a massive interconnected structure. It includes your brain, your spinal cord, all of the nerves that travel throughout your body, and all of the receptors that talk to those nerves. Every single thing you do, feel, think, or experience happens through your nervous system. And the state of your nervous system determines your experience of the world.
Part of it is under your conscious control—like moving, thinking, or speaking. But another part runs below your awareness. This is your autonomic nervous system, and it’s responsible all the functions that happen without you having to think about it. Things like breathing, circulation, hormone regulation, digestion or temperature control.
It’s divided into:
* A stress response, and
* A relaxation response.
These two systems work together and in opposition to allow your body to respond to the changing environment. So when we talk about nervous system regulation, we’re talking about training this automatic system to respond appropriately to the environment you’re in.
Stress Isn’t the Enemy
It seems sometimes when we talk about “regulation” it seems like we are being told we should float through life all blissed out and in a zen state, never stressed or triggered. But that’s not realistic—and it’s not healthy. Stress isn’t a bad thing and a regulated nervous system doesn’t avoid stress. It responds to the cues of the environment. Stress is normal, it’s healthy, and it’s a necessary part of life. It helps us meet deadlines, train hard, perform, and allows us to react quickly in emergencies.
The problem is that our nervous systems are basically still Neanderthal nervous systems. They developed when we were hunter-gatherers living in social groups and facing short, direct stressors—like an animal attack—that had a clear beginning and end.
The Modern Mismatch
The problem is, most of us don’t face short, direct stressors. Instead, we deal with vague, overlapping pressures: emails, bills, traffic, uncertainty. These stressors don’t have a clean end point. They are never-ending. And our nervous systems have never adapted to deal with this type of stress.
In an ideal world, your nervous system would enter stress mode, deal with the challenge, then return to a relaxed state—over and over, as needed. But so many of us get trapped in the stress response without being able to reset.
Salience Nerd Notes 🧠✨
Myth: “If you’re truly regulated, you'd never get stressed.”
Have you seen this kind of messaging out there? As if the goal of life is to be a Zen monk who never has a fight or flight response. As if when you are in a rush to get groceries done and someone stops their cart in front of you...you wouldn't have the urge to ram their cart with yours?!
Reality: Stress is healthy and necessary — it’s how you meet challenges and stay safe. Regulation means responding appropriately to stress and then recovering, not avoiding it altogether. Though if you find yourself wanting to ram other shoppers with your cart, it's a good sign that your nervous system needs some help!
See the next post for how you can use your body to let your inner Neanderthal respond more appropriately!
